Frustration

So, I started writing again. Its not exactly a new project seeing as I tried to write it for NaNoWriMo, but it feels completely different to that story because I've gone about it a different way. Same characters, same setting, same basic theme. But it all feels new. And new makes me excited to write more.

I've started a kind of self-imposed writing challenge: I finish this before midnight on March 31st, just in time for Script Frenzy. Having a little over a month makes this seem like a much more bearable NaNoWriMo. I wanted to handwrite, because I always feel much more creative that way. This makes writing a little slower, but I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing. Its a bad thing because I have to set aside more time a day to reach my goal. But its a good thing because taking my time forces me to really think about what I'm writing (which is something I did not do back in November) and means that I'm more focussed on the quality of my writing. Its a bad thing because I now start questioning everything I write and over-thinking. Its a good thing because it means less editing work to bring it up to a decent standard.

As you can see, I'm in two minds about this handwriting thing.

I started on Sunday. Not thinking, just writing. And if things started getting too boring, a skipped ahead in time a little and picked the story up in a slightly different place. Sure, I've now got a few paragraphs that make the writing quite jolty, but it kept me writing. The point of the story that took me 11, 807 words to get to back in November, took me just 2, 000 words on Sunday to get to, which is how it should have been in the first place. I'm happier with the quality of this writing much more than the quality of the incoherent ramblings from November.

I stopped writing, on Sunday, at a place I was excited to return to. I was very happy with the scene I'd just written and it made me very optimistic about actually being able to finish this story. I procrastinated all day yesterday, mainly on sorting out what kind of novel-fuelling snacks I might need to keep me going, as well as snacks I'll need to take with me to Uni when Semester One starts next Monday. I procrastinated some more by going out and buying those snacks. I can't even remember how I procrastinated the rest of the day away but I finally sat down to write at 8:30pm, wrote about 200 words, and gave up for the day.

I gave up because what I was writing felt like crap. The quality of the previous day was buried under 200 words of rambling crap. I gave up because in those 200 word, I managed to lose my excitement over writing this story.

Why is it that I always give up on Day Two? Is it because the story isn't 'new' anymore? Is it because the reality of the hard work involved in creating a believable world without plot holes and inconsistencies is suddenly too much for me?

I'm getting really tired of feeling like this.

Bored Ramblings...

After spending an entire month overseas, my hometown is one of the most boring places on earth. I know its partly my fault, because I haven't caught up with friends yet or even tried to find something exciting to do outside of my house....but....I'm bored.
The kind of bored that makes me feel really restless and hyperactive but at the same time really down about myself, like I can't do anything properly. I don't know if anyone else ever feels that way when they're bored. It's not fun.

The worst par is that I have all these creative projects to work on, and I WANT to work on them, but this boredom-induced self-doubt makes it hard for me to look forward to things I was excited to get home to.

Like that novel I didn't finish writing for NaNoWriMo ( I lost that, by the way. Got 12,000 words, though, before the pantomime took over my life...wait, I mean soul) I was really excited to get back to that and am planning to finish it in time for National Novel Editing Month in March, and then turn it into a script in April for Script Frenzy.

I guess I'm just kind of stuck in a rut. I have all of this creativity bursting to get out, but because I'm not challenging myself to use it efficiently, I'm getting restless and bored, which is making me very unhappy. Maybe I just need to use it in another way. Not just writing..... Maybe I need to start making more video blogs. Or maybe I'm just dreading going back to work today.

Who even knows?